You know that feeling Forrest Grump had? How he just needed to run, so that’s what he did…. That’s how this feels to me sometimes. If I walk fast enough.. if I run far enough… I might just for a minute reach him.I know this is impossible, but the feeling is consuming. It takes over and I have to go. When I can finally slow down, stop,take a deep breath and just view the world around me…. that’s when I can feel him the most. It doesn’t last for long but it’s strong. Almost like a warm hug, just when I need it most.
Our Trick or Treat night just wasn’t the same without my son Alfred here with us. It was a favorite for all of us to share as a family. Al loved handing out the candy and trying to get a scare out of anyone he could. Usually the wrong person, but that was Al☺️.When he was a little guy, he would go inside every house he knocked at. People would let him in too. I’m guessing because he was cute or maybe they were just as curious to see what he would do! Ugh! But we loved dressing up.
This is just a reminder that more holidays are drawing closer. The void of him gone will forever remain. What I am learning is to live in the moment. The good and the bad. This moment right now will soon be a memory, and when memories are all you have left .. well then they need to count. I can’t pretend that I am not sad, nor do I want to. I have 2 other children that need to have memories of their childhood. I can’t undo the pain that they are feeling, but I can make their memories count. So if that means sitting at my table and listen to teenagers talk about life, well then I will be there to listen.The laughs that usually follow are worth it all. If it means the laundry can wait because my little guy wants to skip rocks in the river. Well then that’s what’s I’m going to do. There is no “redo” button. Only right now.
My memories of Alfred are colorful and vivid. I write to remember and to heal. I am learning as I go on this journey without him, but I take him with me as I go.
“When you shine Pure Light on a Diamond 💎 a Spectrum is Born”