Having Questions 

How come when things are going right or when we are winning we don’t question God? In fact most do the opposite, we “Thank God” or even don’t acknowledge Him at all… Then the moment something goes wrong we question Him, get angry with Him or just turn our backs completely… These are my thoughts that I am sharing out loud. In fact they are very personal.

Am I angry with God ???

NO ! No I am not angry with God and here is why.  To be angry with God would mean turning away from him. My son is no longer here with me. The one soul comfort I have left is in knowing my son is with my Heavenly Father, and we will one day meet again. This is how I am able to keep hope in my heart.

I do have questions. I do have so very many WHY’S and HOW COMES…. but what I found myself guilty of really took me off guard.. I found myself saying in fact pleading ” Why him! Why my son! Why my family”….. When I heard myself saying this (and I have said it often) I was horrified. Was I really wishing this pain onto someone else? What right do I have to do that? I know this pain and I by far could never truly wish it upon anyone. Yes , I still have questions… but I just need to change what I am asking…. This is how I am choosing to continue my journey…his journey is now my own.

…I was once asked, ” Can you tell something special about your son Alfred?”… My response, ” Everything about Alfred was special.” 💙

I am not adding a story to this post, but instead a Personally written poem.

-She wakes in the morning from her restless night of sleep to the same pain that she was trying escape 

She lets out a sigh as she gets dressed in the numbness she wears to get through the day 

For a bleeding heart will never heal but 

Your memory She will hold so very dear-


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