Tick Tock

Some days I ask myself……Am I living out a prison sentence? Just living out my days until they are over?
For 10 months I have been living this nightmare. This dream that I can not wake up from has become my reality… if I let time just drift by I am cheating my family. I am cheating them of me. Everyday is a choice and some days it comes easier then others. I have more smiles to see, graduations to attend, and more memories to make. I have Al’s story to share. I choose to keep him alive through me. Time has moved so quickly yet has also been standing still. With every tick that passes my heart is always with him. Yet my feet are moving forward. This does now for me require effort, but again I have to choose it. 

So here is a well known Alfred fact. Al had no hurry up button. Time really didn’t matter to him.  He was never really late, just never in a rush to get there.  He had his routine and everything needed to be done whether there was time or not. We fought daily the older he got. I would say he needed to be out of bed and out of the house by a certain time. He thought differently because he wasn’t late for school.. just right (barely) on time. 

*Side note-  You see there is no fighting with someone with Aspergers. It either is or it isn’t.  You are either right or wrong. This could make the very simplest things simple.. or very complex. *

I was sometimes fighting the wrong battle. I learned that sometimes the best way I could help my son was to let him fail. This wasn’t to be mean or to have an “I told you so!” over him. It was to show him things don’t always go as planned. So there were days that I knew he was going to be marked late. Or that his work needed more too it. All things I could of easily fixed, but I knew he needed to learn. When he then got it… I knew I did my job. 

Alfred I would spend all of my days telling you to hurry up and get moving… as long as they were days still filled with you… I miss your everything 💙

” Tell me and I will forget. Teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn” B. Franklin


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