My Battle Within

I have crossed over the bridge no one should ever have to cross. I’m fighting a battle with the me I was and the me I am now. I know I am different since I lost my oldest son. For the most part I can say I’m a take me as I am or not type of girl.  The battle I have within is that I know I am now also a different Mother. Today I got hit with the ,”Alfred never got to’s”….. the moment took me of guard. It really shook me up. My 2 other children are going to have experiences and moments, that he never had. They will both also pass the age he was when he left us. My grief has nothing to do with how very proud of my children I am. I just need to find my inner balance. If that’s even possible. I just want my boys to know it’s ok to succeed. It’s ok to live, and most importantly it’s ok laugh. Their lives are so very much worth enjoying and our tomorrows are never promised.  To always come find me when they need me to listen, because I treasure my Mom moments ❤️

One of the most endearing moments I have ever had with my son Alfred was about 6 months before he past. After a hard day at work, I usually take a few moments for myself to lay in my bed . Kind of a cool down so I can destress before being “Mom”. For the most part this usually never happened alone … a cat , dog or littlest son would never be far. I love when my children seek me out just to come talk to me. This means even more when they are teenagers. This night my Alfred came and just laid next to me. He didn’t want anything. He just wanted to be present, hear about my day, tell me about his and give me a hug. It was a moment that I loved every second of. He never knew of the good Mom tears I had in that moment .You take for granted all the Mom love they freely express as small ones… it means the world when they do it grown❤️ “My Moment to Treasure “

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