Static


My day to day is now filled with lots of static. I do my best to filter it out, but everyday… still more static. Sometimes the static comes from observing people and seeing them take so much for granted. Other times it can come from getting lost in my thoughts. When I do the everyday sounds of life and people sound like static to me. Seeing my children laugh and have fun, just spending time together as a family truly makes my heart smile. Yet still there is always the ache inside. 

My youngest son and I had fun adventures this week at the lake. From jumping on a water trampoline to his first time kayaking. It filled me with such inner peace to see him enjoying life. Throughout the day he made friends with other children, two who had an older brother with them. In no time at all the older boy included my son in the splashing and throwing fun. Let’s just say I’m thankful I was wearing my sunglasses, because I was filled with tears. I hurt knowing my sons are now missing a brother. Each in their own way. 💙

Alfred’s days were filled with lots of static too. He didn’t know the words to help me understand. He didn’t understand himself. When life got to static filled for Al he did the only thing that made sense to him, he ran. Literally he ran from the room to get out of the static. From grades K-2 it was very common for me to get a call that he either left the room, at one point the school and another when he locked himself in a bathroom. I understood from the beginning that none of this was to misbehave. He was trying to tell us something, but was to overwhelmed. Once I took the time to learn, I knew what I had to fight for. – I’m here still always fighting for you Bud-💙


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